Signs you might be a people pleaser, and what to do about it.

You might be a people pleaser if:
1) You find yourself frequently apologizing when it’s not necessary and you haven’t actually done anything wrong.
2. You find yourself often saying yes when you don’t want to and would prefer to say no.

3. You notice that you tend to prioritize others’ needs before your own and find yourself feeling resentful or burnt out.

4. You feel nervous or unsure about setting boundaries, and when you set one you are worried people will think you’re being “mean.”

People pleasing often has roots in childhood as well as a combination of other factors, but it is something that can be shifted and changed. If you are realizing that you might in fact struggle with this need to please, here are a few tips to start working on making a change.

1. Notice the times when you apologize unnecessarily and see if there are any patterns or themes. This will help you to identify the root of the behavior.
2. Start by saying no to smaller requests or setting boundaries with people who feel safe. This will help build the emotional muscle for the times when boundaries are necessary for more challenging situations.
3. Explore the fear behind saying no or setting a boundary. What are you afraid will happen? Uncovering this helps to better understand what the people pleasing behaviors have been protecting you against. Before you can change a behavior, it’s usually helpful to understand in what ways it has served you in the past. Then you can intentionally start to create new behaviors that work better for you in the present day.

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