Should I Stay Friends with My Ex?
Let’s just start with the question that brought you here: Should I stay friends with my ex?
The short answer? Probably not.
(And yes, that answer can still sting even when you know it’s true.)
If what you're truly craving is a healthy, secure, emotionally fulfilling relationship then no, it’s not helping you to casually text, keep tabs on, or “stay friends” with your ex while also trying to move on or meet someone new. It’s like trying to walk forward with one foot still planted in the past. You can’t get momentum. You can’t move with clarity. And you definitely can’t open your heart fully to something new when part of you is still hoping, wondering, or lowkey waiting for someone who already showed you they couldn’t give you what you needed.
Trust me, I did this for way too long. I thought staying in touch would somehow soften the loss or keep me safe from the pain of a full goodbye. But it only kept me stuck, confused, and honestly? Kind of hopeless.
Why It Feels So Hard to Let Go
Thinking about being with your ex again is so tempting, especially on the lonely nights. You know the ones. When the silence feels louder, and the idea of texting them seems like the easiest way to get some kind of comfort.
The hope creeps in:
“Maybe this time it will be different…”
“Maybe they’ve changed…”
“Maybe we just needed time apart…”
But let’s get real for a second: If someone couldn’t show up for you then—if they couldn’t give you consistency, respect, communication, or the kind of love you truly wanted, spoiler: they probably haven’t magically transformed overnight.
It’s Not Just About Them. It’s About You.
Let’s talk about something harder but way more powerful: The part we play in staying stuck in patterns that don’t serve us. Choosing to stay connected to someone who hurt you, confused you, or made you feel small can feel like a form of control. Like you’re avoiding the pain of loss by keeping some kind of access. But all it really does is delay your healing.
Yes, letting go can feel like a detox your mind and heart will crave that old hit of familiarity. But if you want real, lasting love? You have to make room for it. You can’t stay emotionally entangled with the past and expect to attract something aligned with your future.
The Energy You Put Out Matters
Dating isn’t just about who you swipe on or what your profile says, it’s about your energy. If you’re still half-attached to someone from your past, that’s the energy you’ll bring into dating, even if you don’t realize it.
Unclear. Unavailable. Unsure.
And what do you get in return? People who match that same vibe. But when you start owning your worth, breaking old patterns, and choosing peace over chaos, you send a very different signal. And that’s when love with real potential shows up.
You Deserve More Than Limbo
The version of you who’s healing? Who’s learning how to honor her needs, set boundaries, and not settle for crumbs? She deserves a love that’s clear. Consistent. Safe. Not one that keeps her in limbo, clinging to what-ifs and old hopes.
So, should you stay friends with your ex?
Ask yourself this: Does staying connected help you grow… or keep you stuck?
Be honest. And then be brave enough to act on the answer. You deserve the kind of love that doesn’t make you guess. And it starts with loving yourself enough to let go.
Looking to find and keep real love?
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