Making Friends as an Adult
Dating can be exciting. It can be hopeful. It can also be exhausting, confusing, anxiety-provoking, and occasionally make you want to hand your phone to a trusted friend and say, “Please tell me what this text means because I can no longer be objective.”
This is one of the many reasons supportive friendships matter so much.
Having people in your life who understand you, share your values, and can sit beside you through the messy parts of adulthood is important at every stage of life. When you’re single and actively dating, that support system can become especially valuable.
Dating shouldn’t be the only place you’re looking for connection, belonging, validation, or emotional intimacy.
Why Is Making Friends as an Adult So Hard?
Remember when making friends mostly involved sitting next to someone in class, being on the same soccer team, or discovering that you both hated running the mile in gym?
Making friends as an adult requires a little more effort. Our lives become more fragmented as we get older. People move. Careers take different paths. Some friends get married or have children while others are single. Schedules become increasingly complicated, and the built-in opportunities we once had to repeatedly spend time with the same people start disappearing.
I recently spoke with Real Simple about why it can be so hard to make friends as an adult and some of the ways we can create more opportunities for meaningful connection.
[READ: WHY IS IT SO HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS AS AN ADULT?]
Hobbies, community events, classes, exercise groups, religious or spiritual communities (if that's meaningful to you), and even friendship apps can all create opportunities to meet like-minded people.
Finding people is only part of it. Building meaningful adult friendships also requires being willing to show up, initiate, tolerate a little awkwardness, and give a new connection enough time to grow.
Sound familiar? Yes. Friendship can feel a little like dating, too.
Why Friendships Matter When You’re Dating
When you really want a relationship, it can be easy for dating to start taking up a disproportionate amount of emotional space.
You’re waiting for the text. Analyzing the date. Wondering why someone suddenly pulled away. Trying to decide whether you’re being too picky or ignoring a red flag.
Feeling excited about someone new and simultaneously trying not to get too excited about someone new.
It’s a lot.
Supportive friendships give you somewhere to bring all of that, their value goes far beyond having someone to analyze screenshots with. Strong adult friendships remind you that romantic connection is one kind of meaningful connection, not the only kind.
Your life is still happening while you’re looking for a partner.
There are dinners to have, trips to take, ridiculous voice notes to send, accomplishments to celebrate, hard days to process, and ordinary Tuesday nights that can be meaningful without a romantic partner sitting beside you.
Good Friends Can Help You Stay Grounded in Who You Are
Dating can bring up insecurities that you thought you dealt with approximately three therapists ago.
Am I attractive enough?
Did I say too much?
Why haven't they texted?
Does everyone else have this figured out except me?
Dating anxiety and self-doubt can make it surprisingly easy to start viewing yourself through the lens of whether someone else chooses you. Healthy friendships can help interrupt that.
The right friends know you outside of your dating life. They know what makes you laugh, what you care about, what you're working toward, and what makes you you. They can remind you of the version of yourself that exists outside of your latest dating app match.
Sometimes, that perspective is exactly what you need.
You Need Friends Who Support the Relationship You Actually Want
There is a difference between having friends and having supportive, like-minded friends.
Like-minded doesn't mean identical. Your friends don't need to share every opinion, life goal, or dating preference you have. It helps to have people around you who respect your values and the kind of life and relationships you're trying to build.
If you want a healthy, secure, committed relationship, having friends who support that goal can make dating feel very different.
They can encourage you without pressuring you.
They can listen without turning every bad date into proof that “dating is terrible.”
They can gently point something out when you might be rationalizing behavior that doesn't align with what you want.
Perhaps most importantly, they can understand that sometimes you don't need advice at all.
Sometimes you just need someone to say, “Yep. That sucks. Want to get dinner?”
Dating Can Feel Lonely, Even When You’re Meeting People
One of the strangest things about modern dating is that you can be talking to multiple people, swiping through hundreds of profiles, going on dates, and still feel incredibly alone.
There is a particular kind of loneliness that can come from repeatedly trying to form a meaningful connection and not finding it.
Being surrounded by women who genuinely understand that experience can help. There is relief in realizing that you're not the only successful, thoughtful, self-aware woman who sometimes finds dating confusing.
You're not the only one questioning what you should prioritize.
You're not the only one trying to balance hope with disappointment.
You're not the only one who wants a relationship while also wanting to feel good about the life you're living right now.
A strong support system doesn't make every dating disappointment disappear. It can make the experience feel a lot less isolating.
Making New Friends as an Adult Takes Intention
If your current friendships have changed, or you simply want more connection in your life—that doesn't mean you've somehow missed the window for making close friends. Friendship in adulthood just tends to require more intention.
You may have to be the one who asks someone to grab coffee.
You may have to join the class without knowing anyone.
You may have to send the follow-up text instead of waiting to see if they do.
You may have to keep showing up before an acquaintance starts to feel like a real friend.
That can feel vulnerable, especially if you're already putting yourself out there in your dating life. Meaningful friendships rarely appear fully formed. They're built through consistency, shared experiences, and the willingness to let someone get to know you.
Find Your People While You’re Finding Your Person
There is so much cultural emphasis on finding the person.
Your partner. Your soulmate. Your forever person.
Finding your peoplematters, too.
Investing in friendships while you're dating isn't a distraction from finding a romantic relationship. It's part of building a full, connected life—one where love and belonging aren't dependent on your relationship status. Sometimes, being around other women who are navigating the same stage of life gives you something your coupled friends, married friends, or friends in completely different seasons simply can't provide.
Those friendships don't matter less.
They simply understand something different.
Looking for Support While Navigating Dating?
This fall, the Empowered Women’s Dating Reset Group is returning; a supportive space for women who are feeling discouraged, confused, or simply exhausted by modern dating.
The group brings together like-minded, growth-oriented women who understand what it’s like to want a meaningful relationship while navigating all of the uncertainty that can come with dating.
Together, we'll explore how to date with greater confidence and intention, manage feelings like fear and loneliness, identify beliefs that may be keeping you stuck, and get clearer about what actually matters when choosing a partner.
There’s another important part of the experience: you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Sometimes one of the most powerful things about a group is simply sitting in a room with other women and realizing, Oh. You get it, too.
[LEARN MORE ABOUT THE EMPOWERED WOMEN’S DATING RESET GROUP]
Finding your person matters.
Having your people beside you along the way matters, too.
